My Reflections on Pregnancy, Birth and Trusting God

Having now had three children and three very different birth experiences, I have come to believe that although things can go differently from what you expect during pregnancy, labour, and birth, it is of the utmost importance to go into it equipped with knowledge and an understanding of the process.

The reason for this is that, although we are often looked after very well by doctors and midwives, it is helpful to know what you can decline or agree to, what your preferences are for pregnancy and birth, and to understand the full picture regarding the benefits and risks of different interventions—or choosing not to have interventions at all.

As with many other things, you know your body best, and I feel that people are often encouraged to rely more on doctors and midwives (who are frequently acting from a place of precaution rather than always looking at the whole picture holistically) than on God, their own instincts, and their own research. Of course, it is important to fact-check whatever you look into because there is a lot of misinformation that can lead to dangerous or reckless decisions.

Some books I highly recommend are Birth Better by Siobhan Miller and Faith-Filled Childbirth: A Christian Approach to Hypnobirthing by Tara Menzies. They are excellent resources that explore interventions, statistics around giving birth in different settings, medically sound reasons for induction, reasons to decline certain interventions, and much more.

"I have come to believe that although things can go differently from what you expect during pregnancy, labour, and birth, it is of the utmost importance to go into it equipped with knowledge and an understanding of the process."

I have also changed my mind drastically about the impact birth can have on your overall spiritual, physical, and mental wellbeing. I used to think it didn’t really matter how birth happened, what the pregnancy process was like, or how much you advocated for yourself and your baby. But I now believe it really does matter.

I know many mothers, myself included, who carry some birth regret because of their experiences. What I particularly appreciated about Tara Menzies’ book, along with other faith-filled podcasts I have listened to, is that they encourage you to remember that God’s plan is always better than our own.

Sometimes we don’t get the birth we were hoping for, but we cannot always see the bigger picture. One story tells of a mother who desperately wanted a home birth and even began labouring at home before being transferred to hospital, where her baby was delivered by caesarean section. When the baby was born, the medical team discovered that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's thighs, meaning a vaginal birth was never going to be possible. That story really shifted my mindset and helped me understand that sometimes circumstances are completely beyond our control. Yes, there are things we can advocate for and request during birth, but sometimes events unfold differently because that is ultimately what is safest and best for both mother and baby. God knows what we cannot see.

"God's plan is always better than our own."

My Three Births

1. My eldest

My first labour was extremely long, lasting over 24 hours. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I was 4cm dilated.

I remember begging for an epidural because I found the contractions incredibly intense, especially as he was back-to-back, which is often said to make labour more uncomfortable than when the baby is in the optimal position.

I also felt coerced into having a vaginal examination, which at the time I found almost impossible to tolerate. I actually passed out during it, and I think that experience was ultimately the deciding factor in choosing an epidural because I believed that if they were going to continue performing examinations, I would rather not feel them at all.

Looking back, I wish I had pushed harder to decline vaginal examinations. The staff were very adamant that I had to have one; otherwise, I would not be able to access pain relief. I simply didn’t know enough at the time or understand how long labour could take.

I was moved to the labour ward and was augmented with induction medication. I was encouraged to do purple pushing when, instinctively, I was trying to breathe my baby out instead. Eventually, he was delivered with forceps.

The recovery was painful. I experienced significant blood loss, had a second-degree tear requiring stitches, and felt completely out of myself for around five weeks afterwards. I felt like birth was very much happening to me rather than being an active participant in the process, and it took me a long time to come to accept how everything had happened. It made me feel very nervous about giving birth again.

However, the wonder and beauty of becoming a mother did override a lot of the trauma the experience had brought. It made me fully appreciate John 16:21, which says:

“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world” 

as the joy I felt on having my first baby was like nothing I had ever experienced, and I would not take back anything for receiving him into the world.

God truly was present throughout, and I remember praying when there had been miscommunication with the staff and they had initially booked me in for a c-section. I prayed about it, saw a sensible consultant who helped me decide it wasn’t necessary, and I had not felt peace about it. The word I received was: “My timing is perfect,” and I went into spontaneous labour the next day! (The doctor was saying that because I was 8 days overdue he could have died—coercive healthcare—and that I would need to be induced, but I declined this and opted for a c-section because I felt so overwhelmed.)

"My timing is perfect."

2. My second

My second birth took place in a birth centre and was, for me, a healing birth experience.

I only used gas and air for pain relief and had one vaginal examination. Looking back, it would have been nice to decline that too, but I also genuinely wanted to know how far along I was, and I was able to tolerate it much better this time. I was 4cm when they checked.

I laboured on the bed for a couple of hours and then got into the birth pool. Two hours later, he was born in his amniotic sac, peacefully unaware that it had even come out. Apparently one arm was outstretched like Superman, and the sac burst in the pool.

One of the biggest differences was that there was much more prayer throughout the process. Looking back, I think that was something we really lacked during my first birth. It was a very holy and spiritual experience, and I remember clinging to my cross necklace, my husband praying for me, and worship music playing throughout.

"I remember clinging to my cross necklace, my husband praying for me, and worship music playing throughout."

I had a very small tear, didn’t need stitches, and barely lost any blood. I felt extremely well and remember feeling on a high for days after the birth. I even drove myself and the baby to a breastfeeding group to get some support two days after he was born. In hindsight, I would have taken more time to rest, as you forget there is a dinner-plate-sized wound from where the placenta has been, so it is important to rest as much as possible.

3. My third

My third baby was born at home, despite it being against medical guidance due to something they had picked up on the scan at 20 weeks. We had prayed about it, and the thing they noticed had completely disappeared.

However, I remained consultant-led, and they wanted me to continue coming in for growth scans. I decided to decline further growth scans at 32 weeks, as they were causing more anxiety than necessary. I also felt that the baby was doing well, and from the research I had carried out, there didn’t seem to be any reason to continue being monitored. I fought and advocated for myself to have a home birth. Just a side note: I was still nervous in the lead-up to birth!

Baby came three days after my due date. Contractions started at 4am and came on very quickly, with no build-up whatsoever. By 9am I was making low moaning sounds and was very uncomfortable. Our friend picked up our other children. I called the birth centre at 10am to tell them I needed some gas and air.

I got into the pool, which brought immediate relief. This time I didn’t have any music, just my husband praying for me. The midwives turned up at 10:30am with gas and air, and I had my eyes closed for most of the next hour and a half.

They asked me how I felt about having a vaginal examination, and I said I’d rather decline (there was no way I was getting out of the pool). I told them I was worried about transition, as I had screamed last time and it made me feel very out of control. They were really supportive and said this was normal, and that they would be there to comfort and reassure me. My husband also knew this was my biggest fear and stayed close by to help me remain calm.

I reached transition and knew exactly what was happening. I started to say, “I can’t do this anymore,” which is what happened last time—it feels like a wave of dread and exhaustion, similar to running for a long time and feeling like your body can’t go on anymore. I also said, “I’m going to scream now” and that’s when he started to come out!

I felt like God helped me know exactly what was happening, so I felt more in control and aware of the sensations taking place. It was primal, intense, and beautiful, and he was born floating into the pool, again completely unaware that he had been born. Pure joy. Thank you, Lord.

They kept the umbilical cord attached for 13 minutes, which I was really happy about. I found the birth of the placenta more difficult this time around—it felt like a big poo that needed to come out, and they massaged it out. Last time it fell out as soon as I stood up.

It was everything I had prayed for and more. I didn’t even have an examination and felt so overjoyed that I had fought for what I wanted. A 10-pound baby born in my living room!

Ultimately, my experiences have taught me the importance of not being passive when it comes to pregnancy and birth. It is so important to invest in this day as you will remember it for the rest of your life! There is real value in researching, understanding your options, and feeling confident to ask questions and make informed decisions. For me, this has not meant rejecting medical care, but engaging with it thoughtfully, discerningly, and prayerfully. I have learned that advocating for yourself and your baby is not about control for its own sake, but about stewardship—taking responsibility for the choices you are given while trusting God with what is ultimately beyond your control. Birth can be unpredictable, but going into it informed, prayerful, and prepared has made a significant difference in how I have experienced it, and I believe it can help other mothers feel more grounded, supported, and at peace in their own journeys too.

"Advocating for yourself and your baby is not about control for its own sake, but about stewardship—taking responsibility for the choices you are given while trusting God with what is ultimately beyond your control."